I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
