The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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