So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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