so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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