He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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