Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think I won the penis lottery.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
