well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
