drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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