dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
even my farts smell like vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
