My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
