oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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