1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Alive.
So much puke
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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