doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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