I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
