how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
