I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
