Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
