We're facebook friends in real life
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
