actually, I'm a sock model
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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