Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
