I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
