On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
