Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
