She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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