i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
