i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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