i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
