I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
