I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i now understand why vodka
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
