Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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