My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
