I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there is glitter all over my balls
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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