So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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