Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I party with great urgency now.
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