Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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