I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
