I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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