New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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