found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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