At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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