I heard we made out
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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