I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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