I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
