forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize