So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
