ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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