I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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