Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
