What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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