winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So apparently I’m into choking now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
