you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
