nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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