Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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