I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When are your genitals available?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
