Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
