brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
