Do you still have your period?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
