I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
