I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Randomize
