Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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