he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
