Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My life is pants optional.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
