Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
