Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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