I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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