when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize