According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
