At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
